yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
