I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
