Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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