Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
