I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
