So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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