i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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