why do cheetos always look like penises
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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