Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
