I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
