I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize