ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
not ubering you a puppy
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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