She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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