gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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