wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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