Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
