In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
