I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
