I hate your face
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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