dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
