I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
