It's Friday. Sex?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
