when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
