Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
