me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
