Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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