my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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