HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
