I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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