I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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