I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Randomize