Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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