Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
