my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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