last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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