the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
