Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
