I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
