Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
