ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
