I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
