She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
