I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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