i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
my vag is so smooth its legendary
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
