How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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