I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
