There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Randomize
