Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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