You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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