every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
