I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
ok first of all what the fuck
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
