Having a random hookup so left but love u
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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