I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
