so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
