happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Drunk is a universal language darling
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
