Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
