Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
