new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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