They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
