sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
