That's intense
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
