I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize