I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
My ass is underappreciated
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize