Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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