I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
My vagina is officially offended.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
