You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
