Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
