Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
