This is not my ceiling
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
