Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
