I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
