well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
