She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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