My first STD was from a foam party
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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