and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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