I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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