The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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