STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
two words: eviction party
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
