Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
