I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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