its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
