I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
