Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
