bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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