Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
