You're my little dorito
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize