I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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