cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Randomize
