Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
